Helping Your Parents Downsize Their Home Can Takes Years of Planning
It took 4 years to get my mother to agree to move from her 3-storey Toronto townhouse with laundry in the basement to a 2 bedroom apartment with everything on one floor (no ensuite laundry) and a view of downtown that reminds her of New York. The day she moved in she was both happy and annoyed. “Now I have to go all the way to the basement to do my laundry” she lamented to my brother who had flown in from China to help with the transition. Always practical he replied matter of factly, “Mom, you carried your laundry basket up and down 3 flights of stairs for 20+ years. Now you have your own elevator” and smiled. That one little change of perspective made her smile when she realized that she really would have a much easier time with laundry. Many seniors are not interested in downsizing their homes and they’re certainly not interested in moving to a senior living opportunity no matter how great they are or what kind of improved lifestyle they will have because they don’t see it that way. How do you move them from resisting changed to engaged, interested or curious about new “opportunities” when they’re just not ready? Frankly, it’s impossible in the moment. It will take time (read “years”) and a focused “team” to overcome a challenging moving situation. As an adult child of a senior parent you can take time to explore the many Toronto 1) independent living, 2) assisted living and, 3) long-term care options years in advance while you’re arranging help for your parents to stay in their home over the next few years ie. home health care, tub bars, snow removal, lawn care, etc. It will also help you avoid negative feelings and emotions that come when a needless crisis occurs because you will have discussed “future” plans in advance. Waiting for a crisis to occur puts everyone at a disadvantage. Most of us do not operate at our best at these highly emotional, highly anxious times. Senior parents are still parents and they’re afraid of losing their life-long independence. The reality is that we all strive to be independent and often do not want assistance in OUR homes at any age. Maybe they hiding physical problems that limit everyday tasks or requirements like getting into the bathtub or they do not realize how serious their memory problems are until there is one too many issues or a crisis arises. Unfortunately, for those who do not see their parents in their own homes on a regular basis find out. We don’t see the lack of upkeep or the daily struggle or frustrations. If you think there are senior medical issues get a physician’s assessment early and create the space to solve potential issues before dealing with the drama surrounding a specific need. Be proactive. Take action and explore options as needed. Include siblings or anyone else who needs to be involved. You may not always agree on everything but at least everyone who needs to be aware of and involved is part of the equation. The key is focusing on your senior family member’s needs for living safely in their home. You can then collectively reach outward to any professionals required ie lawn care, snow removal, plumbing, roofing, bathtub safety installments, cleaning services, etc. Everyone wins when you have time to educate yourself on options. Who doesn’t love having options? The roles we play as children change as our parents start to shift from autonomous and independent 70’s (and maybe 80-somethings) will require practice, patience (oh, so much patience) and a pure commitment to becoming their trusted advisor on an as-needed basis. It doesn’t come with a handbook just like raising children doesn’t come with a handbook. And, sometimes it will feel like you’re pushing water up hill. As 1 of 30 Master Accredited Seniors Agent specifically trained to help seniors with staying in their home and eventually downsizing I can help. Check out this video for more. If you need help building your exceptional network of trusted advisors to help you through each stage along the way let me know.
Seniors Are You Over-Housed?
Thinking about selling your family home of 20+ years because of personal reasons? Maybe your kids are grown or your spouse passed away or your passion is just plain waning because you know this is your time to experience the beauty of your senior years and that big house full of memories no longer feels like that place you want to call “home”. Maybe you want to go to law school, get a second degree, travel the world, take courses, read more books, do less house chores. Maybe you feel like you would like to have a long-term relationship or have started a new relationship now that your spouse is gone. Yet, everything about your house reminds you about your beloved who passed away months or years ago. You can’t move forward with a new romantic relationship and you feel stifled because your spouse “still lives there” in so many ways. Is the day-to-day reality that you are not using your yard, the whole house, tired of cleaning, schlepping up and down stairs with laundry? Is the house emotional, physical and financial upkeep? You haven’t updated your home in years and you don’t want to. Not many people want to or know where to start tackling house updates let alone renovations and why bother when it’s just you and you’re only living in part(s) of the house anyway? Maybe it’s time to sell and move on with your whole life but it doesn’t seem ‘that easy’. There are a lot of moving parts when we think about it. And, at the root of it all is your happiness, independence and what you deem to be practical for your life and how you will live your remaining years. Family Considerations Maybe your grown up kids are putting pressure on you to keep the house because they are still attached to memories, have “stuff” stored, (hopefully they’re not still living with you in their 40’s), still grieving their parent, etc., and selling the house now doesn’t seem right (for them). Maybe they’re concerned about you selling and spending their inheritance (I won’t go there). Staying doesn’t seem right for you anymore. The distinction is “you” in that last sentence in case you missed it. What do you do? You may have parental guilt and regardless of their opinions, you have a life, you want a new life. Your home life does not meet your future dreams. And, you’re weighing the pros and cons about moving on and selling. You’re looking ahead at what is next for you. Your family’s personal layers need to be peeled back. You need what you need and you’re reaching a big decision or maybe you’ve reached a decision. It’s your time. You want to downsize with a place that “feels like me” and suits your life needs today. Maybe your kids don’t see it- it’s not about them, it’s about you. And, you’re responsible to your life story, for moving forward emotionally and financially. “Over-Housed” if you are feeling “over housed” you likely need help getting your home For Sale market ready and sold to free up equity (all of those unused rooms are worth a lot to someone else). You want to take on that dream and fund it with the sale of your home. At the end of the day, you can start that new life you’re passionate about, meet that new person in your life, and move forward with a renewed lease on life and your future. That spark is there waiting to be ignited. Remember, it’s never about four walls. It’s about living your life to it’s fullest. As an Accredited Seniors Agent, I’m here with a team of people who are here to help. We have a network across cities and provinces for that matter. You have choices. You have dreams.
House Rich and Cash Poor: Is this you Mr. and Mrs. Boomer?
Striking a balance between being cash rich and house poor involves sitting down and reviewing your finances. Hey Boomers! Are you house rich and cash poor? Boomers, the sub-prime debacle of the US points to spending less than you earn, accumulating, and working as long as you can. Sometimes you can’t or don’t want to work past 65. Does “freedom 55” even exist anymore? Would you love to plan for that freedom and do what you’ve always wanted to do? Is it time to look at that bucket list? Re-invent your life? Become proficient at something you’ve always wanted to and make money doing it? What about paying off debt or more specifically non-mortgage debt? Here’s our reality: the labour force has peaked and will continue to decline. Why? Well, we need growth of the labour force + growth of productivity and the population of boomers heading toward that ‘seniors’ mark is growing. As the self-proclaimed “sandwich generation” are you thinking about staying on and working…. and paying down your mortgage…. Or is it time to start thinking about how to ‘right size’ free up your funds and create a plan to maintain your defined and designed affluent lifestyle with or without dialing back too much? In other words, if you’re 55 or somewhere in the ballpark are you thinking about reducing overhead or working on full steam ahead until…. well, when? Will reducing overhead make sense now to support your lifestyle later? Have you considered transportation costs, lunches, clothing costs in today’s pre-retirement life vs at retirement? Some expenses will vanish like those $20 office lunches with your colleagues or needing the latest Stuart Weitzman boots or Michael Kors outfit. Want to still take those big vacations and travel when you do manage to retire? Are you financially looking after your kids and your parents? Want to lease or buy that new vehicle you’ve always dreamed about (or still own it from that mid-life crisis)? Simplest way – move to a smaller home or condo or move out of the big city. Read: lower taxes, lower monthly upkeep in time and expenses, lower heat and hydro bills and so forth. If you downsize/right size now or the near(er) future and consider investing the equity from your home – there’s no capital gains by selling your home by the way – then your money will be working harder for you than ever and you are well-suited to generate additional income streams. Options are endless and there’s no one-size-fits-all housing plan. Condos are turn key and good buildings will always be good buildings. A condo in Forest Hill is still Forest Hill. Sometimes renting is cheaper than owning and the city is full of great buildings both with and without amenities and concierge services. Sometimes moving out of your area code or to another part of the city is more economical and still highly practical as a 2 car family (or if you don’t want to ride The Rocket or take cabs). I’ve done the math and it’s actually cheaper to cab around the city than to own and maintain and pay insurance on a vehicle. However, if you’re on the move constantly, it’s not really convenient. What is your lifestyle looking like in the next year? Next 5-10 years? Net/net Mortgage interest rates are low today (and they have no place to go but up). Rhe stock market is all over the map with dividends being mostly up (today) and down (world economics ebb and flow) and who wants to be forced to sell stocks in a down market to free up their hard earned cash? Freeing up the funds now and having a good financial advisor help you plan your retirement years is a road worth traveling. Let them help you decide if it makes sense to buy or rent given your lifestyle goals, wants and needs. What’s the worst that can happen? I’ve been reading about and looking at financial planning lately and it really is worth doing your homework and figuring out that next move for yourself and your parents and your grandparents for that matter. You don’t want surprises about your extended family’s finances when you’re trying to put your kids through university and thinking about retiring or just retiring and then finding out the bad news. If you’d like the names of a few good financial planners and mortgage brokers that we work with regularly, then please let me know. By the way, when is the last time you checked your mortgage rates? You may be leaving money on the table ~ your money. The conversation is free! If you have any thoughts you’d like to share about being the “sandwich generation” then we’d love to hear back from you. Send us a note!
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